an email that was never sent

i was cleaning my trash emails and checking the drafts i havent sent...i came across one email... adressed to my ex-kissing friend. i can't remember why i didnt bother sending it to her... but just so it wouldnt go to waste..i am posting it here.


First email from me:
after everything that's been said and done..i still ask myself, if i really loved you or if it was just a friendship thats gone overboard or was it just that we are at the right place and time when we both needed someone....i read this from somewhere...now i know the answer to my question.

chel
****************************************

Love isn't when you can't sleep... it's when you want to keep your eyes open...Love isn't when you keep holding on... it's when you learn to let go...Love isn't when you kill yourself with jealousy... it's when you understand...Love isn't when you fall for someone... it's when you catch that person when she falls...Love isn't when you see her everywhere... it's when you close your eyes and she is still there...Love isn't when you tell her what you feel... it's when you give everything for her sake...


Her reply to my email:

Did you ask a question?
What was written at the bottom... very real.. very idealistic.. welcome to
the real world..
tell me more about what u mean?

hugs
S


The draft email i never sent:

if you will read the email again...yes..i did ask a question..for myself. and after reading those things about love..it is when i realized the answer to my question..

Love isn't when you can't sleep... it's when you want to keep your eyes open...
i stay late at night...not because i can't sleep..but because i want to read your postcards... and listen to your music...
i dont sleep during lunch not because i am not sleepy but because i want to read all our previous email exchanges and your previous blog entries...

Love isn't when you keep holding on... it's when you learn to let go...
when u told me you dont wanna feel anything for anyone...it is when i've realized that it is but right to let go...if that is the only way i can help you, i will give way to what you want, no matter how hard it may seem

Love isn't when you kill yourself with jealousy... it's when you understand...
even if you tell me you're so busy, and then you will sms me that you're with this and that till late late night...i dont feel jealous...coz i know you need those kind of company..people who will make you smile and forget your worries even for a while...people whom you can talk to about anything. im glad that you have found new friends...i know we can never be like that anymore...and as much as i would want to be the company that you need, i can't..and thats why im glad you found them.

Love isn't when you fall for someone... it's when you catch that person when she falls...
i realized that i dont have to fall for you just to love you... i can just be there when things dont go the way you want them to be... i hope that day would not come, but if it really cant be stopped from happening, then im just here, to help you....or just be there to cry with you.

Love isn't when you see her everywhere... it's when you close your eyes and she is still there...
it doesnt really matter now if i see u thrice a week or once a week or once a month... i can always see u smiling and laughing and sneezing in my memory.

Love isn't when you tell her what you feel... it's when you give everything for her sake...
need i say more?



with all these things, i finally understood that being in love with someone and loving someone are two different things.
you see, all the while, i thought i was in love with you.
then i realized...i wasnt...
i am not in love.....i was not in love
..i just loved.

i dont know why, i dont know how...but i did. yes...DID.